


Don't Think I Don't Think About It

by LaLopez1981



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, FrostIron - Freeform, IronFrost - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Weddings, starki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-15
Updated: 2013-12-15
Packaged: 2018-01-04 17:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1083717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaLopez1981/pseuds/LaLopez1981
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony attends a teammate's wedding and runs into the last person he expected to see.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Think I Don't Think About It

**Author's Note:**

> Heard a song, wrote a thing. Enjoy.
> 
> XOXO,  
> LaLa

Tony wandered through the ballroom, doing his best to avoid talking anyone. Weddings made him anxious; just the word 'marriage' made his skin scrawl. He was only there because it was a teammate's wedding. Maybe the fact that Pepper couldn't come and keep him company made things worse. There wasn't even a bar inside the damn ballroom. He had to walk out to the balcony every time he wanted a drink.

Not for the first time, Tony thought about ducking out. His gift was already on the table, he'd shaken the groom's hand, kissed the bride's cheek; all in all, he had done his duty. Except now the problem was sneaking out. There were only two doors leading in and out of the ballroom, aside from the balcony, and at the moment, the nearest one was being blocked by a group of people surrounding the happy couple.

Taking the long way around, Tony weaved through decorated tables and cloth-covered chairs, ducking his head to dodge familiar and not so familiar faces and headed for the emptier second door. He was just in the clear, close to freedom, when the next person to walk in had him stopping dead in his tracks. His lips curved, almost automatically, before he remembered…everything. Slightly panicking, and cursing Pepper, Tony spun around ready to bolt.

"Anthony?"

 _Damn it_. Tony hoped the dread wasn't visible on his face as he turned around, feigning surprise. "Loki. Hey…" He tried to smile, but it felt odd. His eyes did a quick once over of the former world-criminal-turned-S.H.I.E.L.D.-ally; he looked stunning—as usual. Clad in a slick black suit, fitted well to his slim form, his signature color visible in the tie knotted at his throat and the handkerchief folded neatly in his coat pocket. His hair was a little shorter than Tony remembered but still that inky midnight black and slicked away from his face.  _That face_.

"I had not expected to see you here today," Loki finally spoke, bringing Tony out of his thoughts. He gave a shake of his head, blinked, and forced himself to relax.

"Why not?"

"Well…" Loki slid both of his hands into his pants, and looked around before returning his gaze to Tony. "A wedding, marriage. Not the first thing  _you_  usually run toward."

"True," Tony replied with an anxious chuckle. "But, you know, teammate and all. And Steve begged me to come." A thought occurred to him and he frowned. "What are  _you_  doing here? I didn't know you knew Bucky."

Loki grinned that familiar grin. "I'm not here for Bucky." Tony's frown dissipated and he comically lifted his brows.

"Widow?"

The god nodded. "We worked on a case together and came to be friends shortly after you…left." He whispered the last word, and at the mention of the elephant in the room, Tony felt misery wash over him. It was something he hadn't felt in a long time. It grew quiet between them, and the longer the silence went on, the more the tension grew.

"Is this as awkward for you as it is for me?"

"Yes," Loki answered on a rush of breath.

"Oh. Good." The genius scrunched his nose at his response and snagged a flute of champagne from a tray a waiter passing by was carrying on his shoulder. Loki reached for one too, with his right hand, raising the glass in thanks. Tony's eyes were drawn to a silver ring on the middle finger of Loki's pale hand and he recalled information he had overheard Agent Coulson tell Director Fury a few weeks ago.

"I hear congratulations are in order," he muttered as he brought the champagne to his mouth, swallowing half of it in one gulp. Loki's brows lifted and drew together. Tony bit back a sigh; he should've known Loki would torture him with this. "For the…engagement." Something crossed Loki's face and he nodded once.

"Ah, yes…that."

Tony inadvertently scoffed.  _That_. "So? Who's the lucky guy?"

Loki sipped from the champagne, lowered the glass, and cleared his throat. "Actually, it's…it's Sif. But, Anthony—"

"Thor's friend, the chick warrior?" Tony nearly shouted the question, and looked around anxiously when he drew some attention. Sighing shortly, Loki set down his champagne glass on a nearby table.

"She was my friend, as well, you know."

"Clearly." Tony didn't mean to sound so pissy, but how the hell else was he supposed to respond? He flinched a little when Loki's eyes flicked up, his back straightened when they narrowed.

"I don't think you're really one to—"

"Fuck. Okay! Okay. I shouldn't have…" He chuckled darkly, shaking his head ruefully. "You know what? Good luck, Loki. I hope you're both very happy together." Loki's shoulders visibly deflated, but Tony was already finishing off his drink.

"Anthony…"

"I'll see you around."

Tony started walking away before he could see Loki reach for him.

* * *

In the gaudily decorated lobby bathroom, Tony splashed some cold water on his face, taking a few minutes to calm himself down. He had spent a good ten minutes sitting in a stall fighting the urge to cry. He thought he'd done enough of that already when everything happened. He didn't fight hard enough though, and his eyes were bloodshot and a little puffy when he came out. The cold water helped cool him off and brought some of the swelling around his eyes down. A drink might fix the rest.

Making sure to avoid anyone and everyone even more now, Tony headed for the bar on the balcony, parking himself at a spot so his back was to the ballroom and ordered a straight whiskey. He was barely halfway through it before someone sidled up beside him.

"Well that didn't take long, did it?"

Tony barely spared his teammate a glance before continuing to sip at his drink. "Go away, Romanov."

"Hey, that's Mrs. Romanov-Barnes to you."

Grumpy and pouting, he rolled his eyes. "I can't believe you went through with this."

"Why? Cause of Clint?" She crossed her arms, hissing when the beaded bodice of her wedding gown scratched her arm. "Damn it," she muttered under her breath.

"No. Believe me, he's a lot more fun single then when he was with you." He ignored her glare. "I meant because you're just not the fluffy white dress type. You're more the…" He turned his head, his chocolate brown eyes roaming over the said fluffy white dress. "Catsuit and a gun type."

"You're a pig."

"Oh, you picked up on that, huh?"

Natasha gave a short laugh, rolled her green eyes. "If you really must know, Stark, I didn't do all of this for  _me_." He looked at her, cocked a brow. She chuckled, barely, and gathered her skirts, maneuvering around to fold her arms on the bar next to him. "I don't need to tell you what Bucky's been through."

Sobering a little, Tony shook his head. "I read the file."

"Right. So you know. You can probably relate, even." Tony scoffed into his glass as he downed the last of it. "He just wanted one thing;  _something_  to help him remember what it's like to be human again and experience something good for once. Besides having me, of course." They shared a glance. "He wanted the big wedding. Fluffy dress and all." She looked down and flicked a hand at her skirts. "Who am I to derail that?"

Tony watched her, leaning his head on his hand, and nodded. "You're not half bad you know that, Nat?" She grinned, as much as the agent normally did, shrugged and went quiet. Tony motioned to the bartender for another drink. "Why didn't you tell me you and Loki were friends?"

Natasha made a face at him. "What was I supposed to do? Send you a memo?" Tony looked at her, pleading with his eyes for her to answer. Natasha must have realized why he was asking; he returned his attention to his drink when she turned around to look back inside. And likely spotted Loki immediately. "You talk to him?"

"…Yeah."

"Awkward?"

"Very."

"Why?"

He jaw dropped a little as he looked at her. "What do you mean why?"

She lifted her shoulders, bared in the strapless ivory dress. "Stark, it's been two years since you two broke up."

Tony turned sharply to face her, unintentionally slamming down his glass. "Yeah, so what? You think I don't think about it? You think I don't regret the second I got in that car and drove away from him?"

"Stark."

"You think I don't wonder what could've been, what should've been?"

" _Stark_."

He sighed, long and lengthy, lowering his head, his jaw working. "I've got my work and I've got my whiskey." He lifted the glass, tossed back the whole thing, hissing after swallowing. "And I've been working on myself since. But, I…" His tongue clucked softly. "I miss him, Romanov," he murmured, avoiding her gaze.

He could hear Natasha's foot tapping under all the layers of white, ivory, and eggshell, and pearl and lace, waiting for the inevitable short and sweet advice she was undoubtedly about to give him. "Tell him."

Eyes flying up, Tony studied Natasha's face. That was not what he was expecting. "You're crazy."

She waved him off, literally. "Well, what good is it doing you holding it in? That's what the problem was in the first place, wasn't it? You held everything in; all of your concerns about hooking up with Thor's crazy little brother, thinking none of us knew, until it ate at you and you doubted yourself and what you felt for him. And then what did you do? You went out, got plastered, tumbled into bed with that dumb ass TV reporter and fucked everything up. You left before he even got a chance to throw you out."

Tony scowled at her for a few long moments. Not really any of his proudest moments. "Thanks for the rehash."

"My point is," she started, planting her hands at her shapely hips, "even if it doesn't change anything, you gotta get it off your chest."

"Why?" Tony asked, throwing his hands up. "Why should I embarrass myself now? He's engaged. To a  _woman_  for Christ's sake!"

" _Tony!_ "

" _What?_ "

"Calm the fuck down, go find the guy, and tell him how you feel!" Tony said nothing, too used to Natasha's mouth by now to be offended or insulted. She visibly calmed herself, and even tried a smile. "Consider it a wedding gift." She gave his arm a light punch.

He sighed and shook his head. "Does that mean I can take back the cappuccino maker?"

"Not on your life. That was the first thing Bucky put on the registry." They both chuckled softly and Tony motioned to the bar.

"Hey. It's your big day. Let me buy you a drink. Shot of vodka?"

Natasha inhaled deeply, meeting gazes with the bartender, and shook her head. "No, a water will be fine. No ice."

"Water? I thought vodka  _was_  your water. Why don't you want a…?" Tony stared at her with his lips parted. And Natasha slowly grinned. "Shut  _up_." A shrug of a shoulder. "You're kidding." A shake of her head. Tony's eyes dropped down to her belly then shot back up to her face; he looked almost confused. "How far along?"

"Six weeks, so…" She stepped forward, and in a rare intimate move, she fixed his tie and coat lapel, straightening them, brushing away any pieces of lint. "Keep it to yourself. We're not telling anyone just yet."

He frowned. "Then why tell me? You could have easily lied your way out of this and I would have been none the wiser."

Natasha's auburn lashes fluttered, as mossy green met dark brown. "I like you. So does Bucky." She rolled her eyes and pushed lightly at his chest. "Sue us. Go talk to Loki," she ordered as she reached for her glass of water and started off.

"All right, all right. Hey," he called just as Natasha reached the threshold. After she stopped, he walked over and pressed a kiss to her cheek, squeezing her free hand. "Congratulations."

Her face softened briefly before returning to that aloof expression. "Thank you, Stark. Now stop stalling. Go." She gave him a shove, this time a little harder and he stumbled back a couple of steps.

Tony laughed and agreed. He waited for a moment, watching Natasha walk back inside to find and embrace Bucky. He grinned at the way the soldier subtly laid a hand over his new wife's belly and gave her a small kiss. It made something inside him ache the way they looked at each other. He missed receiving that look from Loki. Loki was the most affectionate partner he had ever had. Mostly when they were alone, but when they were, Loki would kiss him and hug him all the time; he always wanted to hold hands. It used to bother Tony at the time, but when it was gone he missed it.

Steeling himself, Tony decided to go find Loki…after one more drink.

* * *

After one last whiskey, Tony went in search of Loki. He searched all through the ballroom, the hallway just outside it, even the lobby. He had almost given up hope, wondering if he had missed his chance, and wandered back onto the balcony. He was about to drown his sorrows in whiskey again, when he spotted the god on the back patio below the balcony, alone. He climbed down the curving staircase, slowing his approach when he realized Loki was on the phone.

And he didn't sound happy.

"No. I said no—Thor, don't you dare—!" He growled to himself, sighed angrily and brought the phone back to his ear. "Yes? I'm fine… That's not really my problem, now, is it? I am not being—you made your choice! Now I've made mine. Live with it."

Obviously, this wasn't the time for Tony to bring up their past relationship and he decided to back away slowly, and ended up bumping into a pedestal with an oversized vase of flowers on it. It tilted and tipped toward him and Tony just barely kept it from falling and crashing to the ground.

"Anthony, what are you doing?"

"Hi." Tony cleared his throat, and straightened his rumpled suit again. "Sorry. I didn't mean to…I didn't hear…"

"No, no, it's fine." Loki's brow was furrowed over his eyes and he slipped his phone into his pocket, moving toward Tony.

"Everything all right?" he asked anxiously. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. Loki looked at him, and Tony recognized pain in those viridian eyes when he saw it. "Loki?"

"Uh…things are…" He rubbed his hand over the nape of his neck, where all his tension settled, Tony knew. "Anthony, I need to tell you some—"

"Wait." Tony stepped forward, holding up a hand to silence him. "Look. It's just been bluntly pointed out to me that I, um, I don't express my feelings or emotions very well."

"Really? I hadn't noticed," Loki murmured with a smirk.

Tony scoffed lightly. "Just let me get this out, okay, babe—er, Loki." He swore under his breath, feeling himself go red at the slip.

"An—" Loki cut himself off and they both looked up when the wedding guests started to come out of the ballroom and down the stairs Tony had descended just moments before, gathering beneath the balcony around them. Tony glanced up and spotted Natasha and Bucky on the balcony, he twirling a lace garter around his finger, and she ready to throw her bouquet.

Tony curled his fingers into the crook of Loki's arm and moved them away from the crowd. He took it as a good sign that Loki didn't throw him off or shove him away. "Listen, I need to get this out." He dropped his hand from Loki's arm, and his gaze from his sharp, keen eyes. "I know it's been two years and you've clearly moved on and are happy with…Sif, but…"

"Anthony—"

"Let me finish, damn it. This is not easy for me." He sighed, looked up at Loki. "I miss you." Loki's brows rose, but he remained silent; with an effort, it seemed, since he had to press his lips together to keep from speaking. "Loki, when I saw you walk in…I haven't felt…that  _punch_  since…since you. I was happy,  _really_  happy. For like five seconds. And then I remembered all the shit that happened." He sighed again, eyes closing briefly. When he opened them again, Loki was grinning softly. "I know what I said. And I know what I did. Just…don't think I don't think about it. About all of it. And about you." He breathed out another long breath, a relieved one. "That's all I wanted to say." He mumbled the words and turned to leave.

"Anthony?"

He was a good few feet away when Loki called him and he paused, looked over his shoulder. Loki shrugged a little, closing the distance between them. They both ignored the cheers and applause from the crowd as Bucky tossed the garter into the huddled group of single men. It would have amused them both to see Steve holding the woman's accessory, blushing furiously.

"Do I not get to have my say?"

Tony faced him fully as he neared. "What are you gonna say?"

"That I'm not getting married, for one thing."

He blinked, expelling a puff of breath like he'd just been punched in the gut. "What? But I thought…"

Loki's brows bobbed. "Seems I've a habit of choosing mates that have some difficulty with fidelity."

Tony's expression went from confused to indignant in a flash. "Loki, that was a one-time thing. I never cheated—"

He raised a hand, chuckling softly. "I know." He grinned at Tony for a moment before reaching, hesitantly at first, for the genius's hands. Tony numbly allowed him to take them, studying the god's face when, once he had them, his long, pale fingers tightened around his own. "I miss you, too, Anthony."

Tony's lips parted and he inhaled as if to speak, but he was a little dumbstruck at the moment. His lips twitched and he clutched onto Loki's hands. "Really?"

Loki fingers moved, sliding up to wrap around Tony's wrists and slowly tugged him closer, his eyes never leaving Tony's, forcing the genius to keep his locked on him. He stuttered forward a little until he was close enough to catch Loki's scent—that mix of musk, leather, and the faint hue of what he remembered was his magic, that always lingered around him—and swallowed against his racing pulse. "Really," the god finally answered.

Eyes locked on each other, they both started to lean forward, mouths growing closer and closer. Tony's breath was loud in his head and he gasped, jumping back when Natasha's bouquet of red roses landed between him and Loki. Startled, Tony released Loki's hands and chuckled anxiously at the people watching them, clapping for the caught bouquet. His eyes narrowed and sought out Natasha on the balcony, glaring playfully. She leaned into Bucky and wiggled her fingers at him in a smug little wave.

Loki laughed, drawing Tony's attention back to him. And the genius stared at the bouquet he still held, eyes widening when the god pressed them to his nose and inhaled deeply. "Funny girl, that Natasha."

"Uh…I…don't…this doesn't mean…"

Loki looked up and rolled his eyes with a scoff. "Calm yourself, Stark. I don't want a ring from you." A long arm snaked out, fingers wrapped around Tony's loosened tie and yanked him forward. Tony quickly balanced himself, pressed up against Loki, and tilted his head back to meet his gaze. "But I will take that kiss," he murmured, viridian eyes bouncing between Tony's eyes and lips.

Tony smirked and curled his fingers into the lapel of Loki's jacket, pushing up onto his toes as he tugged Loki down. "That, I can definitely do."


End file.
